My Mother, though small in stature, is never short of opinions.

MY LIFE EVENTS (MOTHER’S INTERPRETATION)

Out-of-state college (Dead in a ditch.)

Nose ring (Unemployed for life.)

Failure to receive MRS. degree (No grandkids.)

Production travel in NYC (Rabies by subway rat. Also dead.)

Advertising workload (No grandkids. Ever. Might as well be dead.)

Dog ownership (Close enough to a grandkid. Slightly less dead.)